What to Do When Stress Is Creating Distance in Your Relationship According to a Therapist

Stress has a way of showing up where it matters most. It shifts our tone, shortens our patience, and makes small moments feel heavier than they are. Over time, chronic stress does more than overwhelm us. It quietly changes how we communicate, connect, and respond in our closest relationships.

To unpack what is really happening beneath the surface, we spoke with Erin Pash, LMFT, founder and CEO of Pash Co and one of our frequent contributors. In her work with individuals and couples, Erin sees firsthand how unregulated stress impacts emotional availability, conflict, and intimacy.

If you missed her previous piece on emotionally unavailable partners, it’s worth reading.

Here, she explains how stress reshapes the way we show up in love and shares practical ways to regulate and reconnect before it creates distance.

From a therapist’s perspective, how does chronic stress typically show up in relationships? It almost never shows up the way people expect. Most couples do not walk into my office saying "we're stressed." They say "we're not connecting," or "we fight about nothing," or "I feel like roommates with someone I used to be crazy about." Chronic stress is sneaky like that. It disguises itself as relationship problems when really your nervous system has been in survival mode so long that connection has become a luxury it cannot afford.

When your brain is stuck in fight or flight, it triages. It decides what is essential for survival and cuts everything else. Unfortunately, emotional attunement, patience, curiosity about your partner, and sexual desire are among the first things to go. You are not falling out of love. Your body is just trying to keep you alive, and tenderness is not on the priority list.

What’s the difference between everyday stress and chronic stress when it comes to connection? Everyday stress is a bad day at work. You come home cranky, you vent, you decompress, you bounce back. Your nervous system spikes and then returns to baseline. Chronic stress is when your baseline shifts, when your body forgets what "calm" feels like and starts treating hypervigilance as the new normal.

That distinction matters enormously for relationships. With everyday stress, couples can absorb the hit. One person has a rough day, the other holds a little more space, and the system rebalances. With chronic stress, there is no rebalancing. Both people are running on empty, and the relationship becomes the place where depleted people go to demand from each other what neither one has to give. It is not a connection problem. It is a capacity problem.

Why do stressed people often come across as distant, irritable, or emotionally unavailable? Because their nervous system is prioritizing threat detection over connection. When you are chronically stressed, your amygdala, your brain's alarm system, is running hot, scanning for danger in everything, including your partner's tone of voice, a poorly worded text, or the way they loaded the dishwasher. Things that would not normally register become threats.

Irritability is your nervous system saying "I'm overwhelmed and I have no bandwidth." Distance is a protective response, your brain pulling you inward because engaging with another person requires emotional resources you have already spent. Emotional unavailability is not a character flaw in this context. It is a stress response. That does not mean it does not hurt your partner. It absolutely does. But understanding the mechanism changes how you respond to it, with curiosity instead of criticism.

How does chronic stress affect intimacy? On every level. Emotionally, stressed people lose access to vulnerability, and vulnerability is the foundation of intimacy. You cannot open up to your partner when your body thinks it needs to stay guarded. Physically, chronic stress elevates cortisol and suppresses the hormones responsible for desire and arousal. Low libido under chronic stress is not a mystery. It is basic biology. Your body is not going to prioritize reproduction when it thinks it is under siege.

There is also the issue of touch itself. When your nervous system is dysregulated, even well intentioned touch can feel like a demand rather than comfort. The partner reaching for connection reads the withdrawal as rejection, and suddenly you have two people feeling alone in the same room. It is one of the most painful cycles I see in couples, both people wanting closeness, neither one able to access it.

What relationship patterns do you see most often when stress is left unaddressed? The pursuer withdrawer cycle is the big one. One partner chases connection by talking more, asking questions, expressing frustration, while the other retreats to manage their overload. The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws, and both people feel completely justified in their position. The pursuer feels abandoned. The withdrawer feels suffocated. Nobody wins.

I also see parallel living, couples who stop fighting entirely because they have stopped engaging entirely. They coexist. They manage logistics. They parent. But the emotional thread between them has gone quiet. People often think this is fine because at least they are not arguing, but silence can be more damaging than conflict. At least conflict means you still care enough to fight. I also see misplaced blame, where stress from work, finances, health, or family gets funneled into the relationship because your partner is the safest target.

How does stress contribute to conflict cycles like shutdown, defensiveness, or blame? Stress shrinks your window of tolerance, the emotional bandwidth you have to handle difficult things without losing it. When that window is narrow, your partner saying "you forgot to take out the trash" lands like "you are a failure as a human being." Your brain skips the rational processing step and goes straight to defense.

Defensiveness is a protection response. Your system perceived an attack and mobilized. Blame is an attempt to discharge uncomfortable feelings by externalizing them. If it is your fault, then I do not have to sit with the pain of my own inadequacy. Shutdown is your nervous system's emergency brake, when the system is so flooded it literally goes offline. None of these are choices people make consciously. They are stress responses happening faster than your prefrontal cortex can intervene. That is why "just communicate better" is terrible advice without first addressing nervous system regulation.

How can someone calm their nervous system before engaging in a difficult conversation? The simplest and most effective thing is to slow your exhale. Breathe in for four counts, out for six to eight. Longer exhales activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the branch responsible for rest and connection. Do this for two minutes before the conversation. It sounds almost too simple, but your body cannot be in fight or flight and relaxation mode simultaneously.

Beyond breathing, give yourself a physical reset. Splash cold water on your face, press your feet firmly into the ground, or put your hand on your chest and feel your own heartbeat. These are grounding techniques that pull your brain out of threat mode and into the present moment. And if you notice mid conversation that you are flooding, heart racing, jaw clenching, thoughts spiraling, it is not just okay to take a break, it is essential. Say "I need twenty minutes to calm down so I can actually hear you." That is not avoidance. That is emotional intelligence.

What’s the most helpful way to support a partner who is overwhelmed? Resist the urge to fix. I know that is hard, especially if you are a problem solver by nature, but an overwhelmed person usually does not need solutions. They need to feel like someone sees that they are drowning. Start with validation. "That sounds like a lot. I can see why you're stressed." That one sentence does more than fifteen minutes of advice.

Then ask what they actually need, because you might be guessing wrong. "Do you need me to listen, help you problem solve, or just sit here with you?" That question gives them agency when everything else feels out of control. And here is the one nobody wants to hear, sometimes supporting a stressed partner means managing your own emotional reaction to their stress. Their withdrawal is not about you. Their irritability is not about you. Holding that boundary internally, not taking it personally while still holding them accountable for how they treat you, is one of the hardest and most important relationship skills there is.

What’s one small change that can immediately improve connection under stress? Intentional transitions. Most couples have zero buffer between the stress of their day and engaging with each other. You walk in the door still carrying the weight of every email, meeting, and frustration, and you are supposed to suddenly be an emotionally present partner. That is an unfair expectation.

Build in a transition ritual. It can be ten minutes alone when you get home. A two minute check in where you each rate your stress level on a scale of one to ten so your partner knows what they are walking into. A six second kiss, research actually shows that a six second kiss is long enough to trigger a neurochemical shift toward connection. It does not have to be elaborate. It just has to be intentional. Stress will always be part of life. The couples who last are not the ones who avoid stress. They are the ones who build small, consistent rituals that keep the connection alive underneath it.

What advice do you give most often to couples navigating chronic stress? Stop treating your relationship like it is the last thing on the list that gets your leftover energy. I see this constantly, people give their best selves to their jobs, their kids, their obligations, and then hand their partner the exhausted scraps and wonder why the relationship is struggling. Your relationship is not a rubber band that just bounces back. It is a living thing that needs tending.

I also tell couples to stop keeping score. Chronic stress makes everything feel inequitable, and when both people are depleted, the "I do more than you" argument becomes a race to the bottom. Instead, shift from scorekeeping to a team mentality. It is not you against each other. It is both of you against the stress.

And finally, regulate before you relate. You cannot have a productive conversation, repair a rupture, or build intimacy from a dysregulated nervous system. Learn what calms you. Practice it daily. Make it as non negotiable as brushing your teeth. The relationship you are trying to save requires two regulated humans at the table. Everything else comes after that.

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The Modern Valentine’s Day Gift Edit

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to mean predictable roses or last minute chocolates. This year, we’re leaning into gifts that feel thoughtful, lasting, and genuinely special. From cozy cashmere and timeless jewelry to elevated beauty essentials and design forward home pieces, these are the Valentine’s Day finds we’d happily give and gladly keep. Whether you’re shopping for a partner, a friend, or yourself, consider this your edit of modern love notes that go well beyond Valentine’s Day. 

Jenni Kayne Peyton Cardigan

In ultra luxe brushed cashmere, the Peyton Cardigan brings a soft, feminine touch to everyday dressing. With its subtle puff sleeve and fluffy, cloud like feel, it strikes that perfect balance between cozy and refined. We love it styled with tailored pants or a pleated skirt for an effortless look that feels polished but never fussy. Shop Here. 

La Bonne Brosse N.01 The Shine and Care Hair Brush

This chic pink brush is more than just a pretty vanity moment. Crafted with boar bristles and 100 percent keratin fibers, it helps distribute natural oils from root to tip, smoothing the hair cuticle and enhancing shine over time. It is the kind of beauty gift that feels indulgent but actually delivers real results. Shop Here. 

Jennifer Meyer Diamond Tennis Bracelet with Pink Sapphire Accent

A timeless classic with a romantic twist. Handcrafted in 18 karat yellow gold and set with brilliant cut diamonds, this tennis bracelet is accented with a striking pink sapphire at the center. It feels special without trying too hard and is the kind of piece that will be worn and loved for years. Shop Here. 

Trudon Rose Poivrée Candle

Created in collaboration with Giambattista Valli, this special edition candle blends lush rose with a subtle hint of Tuscan black pepper for an unexpected edge. Inspired by Marie Antoinette’s love of roses, it is romantic, elegant, and quietly dramatic in the best possible way. Shop Here. 

Venus et Fleur Preserved Roses in the Terre Travertine Vase

Fresh flowers, but make them forever. These real roses are preserved to last over a year and double as elevated home decor. We especially love the Terre Travertine Vase for its modern, sculptural feel. It is a beautiful alternative to traditional Valentine’s florals and one that keeps giving long after the day has passed. Shop Here. 

Lunya Washable Silk Tulip Back Set

This is the set people mean when they talk about beauty sleep. Made from washable mulberry silk with a flattering tulip back design and naturally thermoregulating properties, it keeps you comfortable all night long. Effortless, elegant, and designed to move with you. Shop Here. 

Caraway Knife and Utensil Prep Set

A modern kitchen essential that actually looks good on the counter. This non toxic prep set includes thoughtfully designed knives, utensils, and a smart modular storage system that keeps everything organized. A great gift for anyone who loves to cook or is building their dream kitchen. Shop Here. 

Jaymes Paper Love Collection Set No. 04

A beautifully designed set of four love themed cards that feels personal and intentional. Perfect for handwritten notes, Valentine’s messages, or just because moments. Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most meaningful. Shop Here. 

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Inside The Class: A Conversation on Somatic Movement and Release with Taryn Toomey

There’s a reason The Class tends to stay with people long after they’ve taken it. It’s not just the physical intensity or the music. It’s the way the experience lands internally, often in places people didn’t realize they were holding anything at all. For Taryn Toomey, that depth is familiar, even if the language around it isn’t always straightforward.

“This has always been a hard one for me,” she says when asked to describe The Class. “To me, it’s a ceremony, but I know that word gets lost on many.” When she explains it more practically, the framing becomes grounded and clear. “It’s a music driven, cathartic workout where we exercise the body to steady the mind and open the heart. We burn a fire to get the sludge out so you can feel free.”

That balance between physical effort and internal awareness has defined The Class since it began in 2011. People arrive to move their bodies, but what they often leave with is a deeper sense of presence and release, without being asked to perform or perfect anything along the way.

This conversation is part of Chalkboard’s In Conversation series, featuring discussions with thought leaders on specific topics in wellness and personal practices. For more from the series, explore In Conversation: What Human Design Reveals About Energy, Timing, and Trust with Amy Lea.

Letting the Work Be Specific

Turning something intuitive into a real business required a different kind of discipline. For Toomey, the challenge wasn’t logistics or growth. It was learning to let the work remain specific rather than universally appealing.

“Accepting that the energy I move doesn’t need to resonate with everyone,” she says. That realization became foundational, shaping how The Class evolved and allowing it to grow without dilution. Instead of trying to explain or soften the experience, she stayed close to what felt true and trusted the community to form naturally around it.

That choice continues to define the work today. The Class doesn’t aim to be everything to everyone. It offers a clear experience and lets people decide if it’s for them.

Why It Has Nothing to Do with How You Look

One of the first assumptions many people bring into the room is that the experience will be about how they look or how well they execute the movements. Toomey is quick to correct that expectation.

“The biggest misconception is that it has anything to do with how you look,” she says. Instead, attention moves inward. She guides people to track sensation rather than perfect movement, shifting the focus from form to awareness. “When people actually feel sensation, they become more connected to the body,” she explains. “Presence becomes easier to access, which allows for deeper integration.”

The practice isn’t about getting anything right. It’s about staying with what’s happening and letting the body lead the experience rather than the mirror or the mind.

When Breakthroughs Happen

There’s no fixed timeline for when something shifts during class. For some people, it takes time. For others, it happens almost immediately.

“Generally about a third of the way in,” Toomey says. “But sometimes the first beat hits people right away.” What determines that moment varies. “It really depends on how long someone has been practicing embodiment and what energy they’re working with that day.”

That variability is part of the work. The experience meets people where they are, rather than pushing them toward a predetermined emotional or physical outcome.

Music as the Structure

Music plays a central role in shaping the experience. It isn’t background or motivation layered on top of the movement. It’s the structure that carries the class from start to finish.

“It’s about the tapestry of the playlist,” Toomey says. “It’s not about one song.” She thinks in arcs rather than moments, describing the flow as “deep diving and high expansion.” The music supports both regulation and release over time, without forcing either.

The result is an experience where sound and movement work together, guiding the body without overpowering it.

Who The Class Is For

The Class tends to resonate with people who want to move without being told what their bodies should look like and who are open to paying attention to what they feel. Some come with years of embodiment practice behind them, while others are encountering this kind of work for the first time.

As Toomey puts it, the experience meets people based on “how long someone has been practicing embodiment and what energy they’re working with that day.” There’s no right place to start and no expectation to arrive at a certain level.

Bringing the Practice Into Everyday Life

The principles of The Class aren’t meant to stay contained within the studio. When asked how people can bring the practice into daily life, Toomey keeps it simple and physical.

“Soften the tops of your shoulders,” she says. “Notice when you’re stuck in a loop of thinking and interrupt it with breath. Flutter out your lips. Sigh loudly.” One of the cues she returns to most is placing a hand on the heart. “Stay there,” she says. “Speak from that place.”

These cues offer small ways to return to the body throughout the day, without needing a formal practice or set amount of time.

How the Work Shows Up in Her Own Life

Supporting herself starts with consistency. Meditation is Toomey’s non negotiable, whether it happens in the morning or the evening. Her supplement routine is equally straightforward and supportive: a probiotic, vitamin B, vitamin D, fish oil, and magnesium at night. When it comes to burnout, her advice is practical and unambiguous. “Sleep,” she says. “Replace the word sleep with repair.” For her, that means preparing well before bedtime. “Two hours before bedtime, start preparation. Buy an alarm clock and put your phone in another room.”

Over time, building and teaching The Class has also changed how she relates to herself internally. “I’ve gotten in a really close relationship to the young parts of myself that come online when I’m activated,” she says. That awareness now shows up daily. “I have much faster access to them,” she adds. “I try to love them well.” It’s a way of caring for herself that mirrors the work she offers others, rooted in attention, regulation, and staying present rather than pushing through.

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This Halibut Bouillabaisse Is Cozy Cooking Done Right

This Provençal-style bouillabaisse is cozy, sun-kissed, and exactly the kind of meal you want simmering when you’re craving something nourishing but still a little chic. Fragrant fennel, garlic, tomato, and olive oil create a rich, brothy base while fresh California halibut keeps things light and elegant. Add garlic bread for dipping and it quickly turns into an at-home moment worth lingering over.

The recipe comes from Jackie Johnson-McBride, founder of The Weather Chef and a former TV meteorologist who now cooks by feel, season, and forecast from her home in Montecito. Her garden-to-table approach is all about letting the day’s mood guide what’s on the plate and this dish is a perfect example of that effortless, weather-led way of cooking we love.

Provençal-Style Bouillabaisse with California Halibut

 

INGREDIENTS

2 pieces Halibut (6-8 ounces, no skin)


4 cloves garlic, minced


2-3 tablespoons olive oil


1/4 cup flat leaf parsley, chopped


1 fennel bulb, cored and sliced


1/2 teaspoon cayenne


1/2 teaspoon paprika


1 cup crushed tomatoes (I prefer using whole peeled tomatoes and cutting the tomatoes into big chunks)


1 teaspoon sumac

INSTRUCTIONS

+ Preheat the oven to 400.

+ Cover the bottom of a baking sheet with parchment paper.

+ Pat the fish dry and coat with olive oil. Sprinkle the fish with salt and pepper. Set aside in a pan and let it come down to room temperature. When the oven is ready, bake the fish for about 10 minutes.

+ Cut the fennel lengthwise into quarters and cut away the core, then cut the quarters lengthwise into 1/4-inch-thick slices. Coarsely chop the parsley leaves, set these aside.

+ In a large Dutch over or pan over medium-high heat, warm 1 tablespoon of olive oil until hot but not smoking. Add the fennel, season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring occasionally, until it starts to soften, about five minutes. Stir in the paprika, cayenne and garlic. Cook until fragrant, and for about another minute.

+ Add the tomatoes and 1 cup of water and bring to a simmer. Stir in half of the parsley and sumac.

+ To serve, scoop a few ladles of the broth into a shallow bowl. Add fennel to tase and lay the fish on top, then scoop another ladle of broth over the fish. Garnish with parsley and serve immediately.

Note: Garlic bread is a must for my family with this dish, I like to use sourdough or ciabatta. While the fish is cooking, slice a loaf of bread in half and drizzle or brush olive oil on each side. Broil in the oven until it starts to get slightly brown with toasting around the edges. Cut a large garlic clove in half and “rub” it over the toasted side. Serve alongside the stew for dipping.

 

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In Conversation: Charlotte Cho’s Guide to K Beauty and What’s Coming Next

K beauty didn’t become a global phenomenon overnight. It took years of education, trust building, and a belief that skincare could be both deeply effective and deeply intentional. Few people understand that evolution better than Charlotte Cho, founder of Soko Glam and Then I Met You.

Long before sheet masks, essences, and snail mucin entered the mainstream, Charlotte was translating Seoul’s skincare culture for a U.S. audience, reframing beauty as a daily ritual rooted in consistency, prevention, and care. Today, as K beauty enters its second global wave, she remains at the center of the conversation not just as a curator, but as a brand builder with a clear point of view on where the category is headed next.

In this conversation, Charlotte reflects on the early days of K beauty in the U.S., the shifts shaping K Beauty 2.0, and the products, philosophies, and innovations she believes will define the next era of skin care.

In Conversation with Charlotte Cho 

You’ve been credited as one of the key figures who helped introduce K-beauty to the U.S. How would you describe that early moment when people were first discovering Korean skincare? Soko Glam began curating and educating about Korean beauty products over 13 years ago! It was a time when beauty categories such as masks, cushion compacts and snail mucin were foreign to people outside of Korea. I had a special bond with Korea after living in Seoul for 5 years, and was excited to share what I had learned and bring the best of Korea to the mainstream.

How has K-beauty evolved since Soko Glam launched? Are there any shifts or trends that surprise you most? We’re in what we call the second K-beauty boom, or K-beauty 2.0. Now it’s reaching new heights as it is very much a global phenomenon, thanks to global platforms like TikTok. With Korean beauty brands armed with massive budgets, they are becoming a formidable force in the beauty space, taking market share from traditional beauty conglomerates. What makes me excited about the second wave of K-beauty is that it is not a fluke. K-beauty is highly innovative, effective and competitively priced, and it is here to stay. 

In your view, what makes the K-beauty approach to skincare different from Western beauty , philosophically and scientifically? Korean beauty is not just about a product or a particular brand. Korean beauty is a lifestyle, it’s about taking care of your skin and getting to the root of the condition. It’s about consistency and being educated about what your skin needs. Korean beauty has really helped consumers look to skincare as an act of self care and wellness, along with prevention. 

You founded Then I Met You after years of curating products for Soko Glam. What did you feel was missing from the market that you wanted to create yourself? When I worked in K-beauty as a curator, so many brands blended together. Ingredient-first, trend-first, functional but not emotional. I wanted something with meaning.

That’s why I chose the name Then I Met You. It’s a phrase that describes a positive turning point in your life. Yes formula, textures and the efficacy all matter and that are unparalleled. But I’m building a brand that goes deeper than skincare.

If you could only recommend five K-beauty staples to build a simple, effective routine, what would they be? Oil Cleanser and water based cleansers make up a double cleanse routine, which is essential not only for clear and clean skin, but for preventing premature aging. 

Exfoliating with a peel once a week saves you time and money from having to visit a spa, and it clears your skin of debris that may be blocking your serums and products from working harder for you. It’s also the key to getting glass skin.

A watery or milky toner or essence builds layers of deep hydration into your skin, and I love to skin flood with it. If you don’t have time for masking, skin flooding will be your best friend and give you the most visible dewy skin.

A moisturizer with built in SPF that offers you hydration and sun protection is key for even 5 minutes outside. 

Any toners or essences you find yourself recommending over and over again and what makes them special? I’m hooked on cleansing toners, which are hydrating toners that also have micellar properties to remove makeup and impurities. I love the Acwell Licorice Toner, which is a staple and one of our top toners on Soko Glam. It inspired me to make my own version, the Living Sea Cleansing Tonic, which has gentle exfoliation properties and is extremely hydrating. I use it daily as a second part of my double cleanse, and even simply to remove my makeup and refresh my skin. Most micellar waters in the market leave a greasy feel on your skin, but I made sure that the Living Sea Cleansing Tonic doesn’t. 

What are some under-the-radar Korean brands or innovations you’re excited about right now? I love SuperEgg’s Microbiome mist, I use it daily. There’s something to be said about the component and if the mist and the formula in it are compatible. 

IOPE has been my go-to for treatments and serums (vitamin C and PDRN) for years now, and their R&D is unmatched against any Korean brands. They literally created the first Korean retinol, and also the cushion compact. You’ll be hearing from them a lot more next year!

VT Reedle’s Exosomes are an inventive way to exfoliate, and hands down PDRN innovation from IOPE (The Caffeine Shot Serum) are great products and flying off the Soko Glam shelves.

K-beauty sunscreens are having a major moment, which ones do you personally use or recommend? I personally use Then I Met You’s Essence Light Sunscreen with SPF 50. I made it for myself, which is perfectly moisturizing without a greasy finish. It’s a great base before makeup.

Can you walk us through your own current skincare lineup? It’s honestly a lot of Then I Met You. Right now it’s The Living Cleansing Balm, followed by the Living Sea Cleansing Tonic to cleanse, tone and prep the skin. I’m using the SuperEgg Micro Biome mist as a hydrating mist. I skin flood with the Then I Met You Giving Essence. I love the IOPE PDRN Caffeine Shot serum for more bouncy elastic skin. I’m testing some formulations for new product development in the serum category. Then I lock it in with a sunscreen, the Essence Light Sunscreen, mixed with a tiny bit of base makeup from JungSaemMool.

Any cult products from your early Soko Glam days that still hold up years later? Hands down I keep going back to the Neogen Micro Essence and the Klog Soft Shield Pimple Patches. They are classics, and will never be replaced from my routine.

If you had to name one “unsung hero” product category in K-beauty, what would it be? Korean makeup and lip products are unmatched. Around 8 years ago, I had predicted Korean makeup would be taking off. I was wrong, the US was not ready for it yet. But now with Korean beauty 2.0, I see makeup taking off at a faster clip. 

What’s the next big thing in Korean skincare  and what should we be watching for? We’ll see a huge surge of devices with the success of Medicube. It’s also categories outside of skincare that are untapped that will start to glow up. Hair, makeup and fragrances, get ready!

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Inside the maude x Wuthering Heights Collaboration

Let’s be honest, Wuthering Heights is already in the group chat. maude’s Come Undone Kit is a limited-edition set created in partnership with the upcoming Wuthering Heights. The collaboration brings together fragrance, touch, and thoughtful design through a candle, body oil, and collectible film elements, creating an experience that feels intimate, modern, and intentionally restrained.

What’s Inside
The Come Undone Kit includes Burn No. 3, Oil No. 0, and an exclusive poster paired with a behind the scenes booklet created alongside the film.

Burn No. 3 is a massage candle designed to be poured onto skin once melted and extinguished. The scent opens fresh and green, then softens as it warms, with notes of eucalyptus, cassis, sandalwood, and Haitian vetiver. It gently shifts the mood of a space without taking over, lingering in a way that feels grounding and calm. The ritual itself is simple and intuitive. Light it. Let it melt. Pour when ready.

Oil No. 0 is unscented and incredibly versatile. Made with jojoba, coconut, argan, and castor oils, it works beautifully for daily hydration, massage, or bath. It is one of those products you end up keeping within reach because it fits into so many moments without effort. After a shower. Before bed. On a slow morning. It does what it needs to do and never asks for attention.

Design, Testing, and Trust
Everything maude makes is designed in house with real life in mind. The look is clean and thoughtful, but never stiff, and each product feels intuitive and easy to use from the very first time you pick it up. The design language is quiet and confident, meant to blend into your space rather than dominate it.

Behind the scenes, maude’s engineers and chemists work closely with leading manufacturers to create safe, refillable essentials that feel current, considered, and well made. Innovation shows up in the details, in formulation choices, materials, and process, rather than anything flashy.

Every product undergoes rigorous testing and is formulated with carefully selected ingredients. That attention to detail creates a sense of ease and trust, letting you focus on the experience itself instead of the fine print.

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In Conversation: What Human Design Reveals About Energy, Timing, and Trust

Most of us have had the experience of doing everything “right” and still feeling tired, stuck, or out of sync. We work hard, stay busy, meet expectations, and yet quietly wonder why it all feels more draining than it should. Human Design offers a different way of understanding that disconnect, not by telling us what to fix, but by helping us see how we are actually designed to move through life in the first place.

In conversation with Amy Lea, a Human Design and Astrology expert with a background in business and leadership, we explore Human Design as a practical framework for understanding energy, timing, and trust. Rather than a system to follow or a label to adopt, it becomes a way of learning how to listen to yourself more clearly and stop working against your own rhythm.

Finding Language for Burnout
Amy’s path into this work did not begin with a dramatic career pivot or spiritual turning point. It began with burnout. In her late twenties, she was working in administration and HR within the fashion industry, outwardly successful but internally exhausted. “From the outside, things looked fine,” she shares, “but internally, I was struggling to sustain the pace and pressure of my work and couldn’t understand why it felt so difficult for me.”

Astrology entered her life first, studied out of curiosity rather than ambition. “It wasn’t a career move,” she explains. “It was something I did for myself during a time when I needed more meaning and perspective.” As she completed those studies, she was introduced to Human Design, and the impact was immediate. “Learning my own design was a turning point. It gave me language for why I felt different and helped me understand my energy, decision making, and natural rhythm in a way nothing else had.”

What began as self exploration naturally expanded. Friends began asking questions, informal conversations turned into readings, and over time her background in business and leadership blended seamlessly with Human Design and Astrology. “They’re not just tools I use,” Amy explains. “They’re frameworks I live by. They support people in understanding themselves more clearly and creating lives and work that feel sustainable and true.”

Why the Mind Is Not Meant to Run Everything
At the heart of Amy’s work is a shift many people find both grounding and confronting: the idea that the mind is not meant to run our lives. “Human Design helps people understand how they are designed to move through life, make decisions, and use their energy in a way that actually works for them,” she says. “At its core, it’s less about information and more about embodiment.”

While the mind is an extraordinary tool for learning and reflection, Amy explains that it often creates more friction when it becomes the primary decision maker. “When we rely on the mind alone, we slip into overthinking, forcing, and working against ourselves,” she says. Human Design gently redirects authority back into the body, where decision making feels quieter and more reliable. As people begin trusting that internal signal, decisions become simpler and more natural, with less resistance and far more ease.

This is what makes Human Design feel practical rather than abstract. It is not about memorizing your chart or optimizing your life, but about noticing what shifts when you stop overriding yourself and start responding from a place of inner clarity.

Coherence Over Hustle
Amy’s ethos, coherence over hustle, emerged directly from her lived experience. Long before she had language for it, she could feel that pushing harder never produced better results. “It only created fatigue and a sense of disconnection,” she explains. In 2021, the phrase crystallized into words, naming something she had already been living both personally and in her work with clients.

Hustle culture, she observes, often rewards what looks productive on the surface while quietly draining energy beneath it. People stay busy, but progress feels strained and unsatisfying. “Work starts to feel heavy,” she says, “like pushing uphill.” Coherence offers an alternative. When energy, identity, and decision making are aligned, effort becomes focused rather than scattered, and progress feels more natural. It is not about doing less for the sake of it, but about doing what actually works.

Using Astrology Without Giving Away Agency
Astrology and Human Design are frequently misunderstood as predictive systems, something Amy is careful to reframe. Early experiences with fear based astrology made it clear to her that this was not how these tools were meant to be used. “I’ve always been uncomfortable with predictive approaches that remove agency from the individual,” she explains.

In her work, Human Design forms the foundation because it centers self trust and inner authority. Astrology becomes contextual rather than directive. “I use astrology to explore timing, cycles, and seasons,” she says, “not to tell someone what will happen, but to support awareness and choice.” The intention is never certainty, but steadiness. These tools are most powerful when they help people feel resourced enough to meet everyday life with clarity, rather than waiting for something external to happen.

Pressure, Timing, and Letting Yourself Breathe
One of the most immediate shifts Amy sees in clients is how they relate to pressure. Human Design reveals just how sensitive many people are to urgency and stress, often without realizing it. With that awareness, pressure stops feeling like a personal failing and starts to feel like something external that can be met with discernment rather than reaction.

This naturally softens expectations, particularly the ones we place on ourselves. Human Design offers a form of radical self acceptance, showing each person how they are meant to operate, decide, and rest. Astrology reinforces this understanding by reminding us that life unfolds in cycles. There are seasons for momentum and seasons for pause, and learning to honor both can bring a deep sense of peace. Together, these frameworks create space to stop forcing outcomes and start being present with the life already unfolding.

Human Design in Relationships
Amy also sees Human Design as a powerful lens for relationships. Conflict, she explains, often escalates not because of a lack of care, but because people assume the other person processes emotions and decisions in the same way they do. Human Design offers language for those differences, whether that means needing time before responding or finding clarity through conversation.

Rather than trying to change one another, people begin learning how to work with who the other person actually is. This understanding alone can dramatically reduce unnecessary friction, helping relationships feel more grounded, patient, and realistic.

A Small Shift That Changes Everything
For those feeling misaligned, Amy does not recommend drastic change. Instead, she points to one foundational practice: anchoring into Strategy and Authority. “When you begin making even small, everyday decisions from that place,” she says, “life starts to feel less resistant.” Alongside this, she encourages people to notice their Not-Self patterns without judgment. Awareness alone creates space, often becoming the catalyst for deeper alignment over time.

Coming Back to Ease
When Amy needs to reset, she turns to nature. Living in Queensland, Australia, makes this simple. A swim in the ocean, time in the sun, or a slow barefoot walk brings her back into her body and quiets her mind more effectively than anything else.

As her work becomes more visible, what matters most is staying embodied rather than guarded. “What can’t be replicated is lived experience,” she reflects. “All I can really do is follow my authority, make decisions that feel true, and continue creating from that place.”

The intention guiding her life and work right now is ease. Less chasing, more presence, and deeper appreciation for the life she is already living. In a culture that still rewards constant striving, it is a subtle shift, but one that has the power to change everything.

The post In Conversation: What Human Design Reveals About Energy, Timing, and Trust appeared first on The Chalkboard Mag.

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